In one of those moods...

Whoever reads this, please don't take offense. I am just really lonely and need to get my thoughts out somewhere. I LOVE EVERYONE IN MY LIFE!!!

Have you ever been in one of those moods where you're simply down and depressed about EVERYTHING?? Well that's been me lately! I just feel so sad and upset about everything. And it doesn't help that I'm dealing with some pretty serious trials right now. And the worst part is that I feel like I have nobody to turn to! I just need someone, a close friend who will just sit and listen...and tell me that everything will be okay. I don't need advice or someone to give me advice or tell me what to do. Just someone who genuinely cares about me as a friend and shows that in their listening ear. But I just feel like I have nobody right now!

I feel so lost and confused in my life right now. I've reached sortof a wierd spot. Although I'm single, I don't feel that I fit in with the single crowd anymore. I have a career; I go to work early every morning; and I come home far beyond the point of EXHAUSTION!!! I am too old and tired to keep up with the single life. Although I'm not married, I feel that I fit in more with them than the single crowd. But I still feel like I don't fit in with them. All of my married friends spend time taking care of their husbands and children. They don't have time to be my friend (the way that I need). And I understand that - their families should be more important to them than a friend anyways.

But where do I fit?? I don't feel like I fit in with my single friends anymore. I don't feel like I fit in with my married friends. But that leaves me in a slump. I'm stuck between those two places...and don't know what to do to fix it. I feel like there is nowhere for me; I don't have a place. I come home from work every night and spend my night alone in my house (usually grading papers). And the weekends are the worst...I'm all alone the entire weekend! And don't get me wrong, I have plenty to do, and plenty of places to go. But a girl needs some companionship. It gets really lonely being in my position. And I've been told many times to get roommates. Been there, done that, plenty. I have a really bad track record with roommates...I seem to attract the psychos. So I'm just not going there again! I'm too old to deal with that.

I'm not writing this to find a solution. I guess I needed to get this out there; to be heard. I have some amazing things in my life. I get to spend my days with the cutest 9 and 10 year olds in the world who call me teacher. I have the most amazing family in the world and I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful family. I work with some pretty great people. And I have some pretty great friends who come and go...but nobody who I feel that I can always turn to no matter what. I play bunco once a month with some pretty fun ladies. But that's only once a month. I just would be nice to have the daily companionship that I long for and deserve.

I have found myself this weekend so badly wishing I had a boyfriend. I know how childish that sounds but I'm so lonely. And I've thought about this a lot. I don't simply want a date (although I know it has to start there). But that's usually awkward and then it could be several days or even weeks before they call you again. And obviously I can't just skip straight to marriage...sorta need to know the guy first lol!

Anyways...thanks for listening to me rant and ramble tonight. And don't feel bad for me and call me out of pity. I'll be fine. Tomorrow is Monday morning. I'll get up at the crack of dawn and go to work and spend my day with some adorable children. I will just feel lonely when the day is over and I'm headed home. And I do have some incredible friends in my life who I know if I called them up they would listen, and I do know that they care. But it's hard to call friends and cry when you know they're busy with their family and only half-listening to what you say. Anyways, thanks to everyone in my life. I really do love you all and I don't want you to think that I'm ungrateful. I am grateful to each and every one of you for so many different reasons! I have amazing friends and family...I truly am blessed in that department.

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