Well I have realized over the last few weeks why I hate dating so much. It brings out the worst possible me...and I get so dang emotional! It's been awhile since I've dated. I was sick of getting my heart crushed. And it seemed that everytime a guy broke my heart it was 10x worse than the previous time. So I decided I was done. I didn't really put myself out there for quite some time. I just didn't feel like I could handle having my heart crushed again. And I got lonely at times ofcourse, but I didn't have to worry about my heart aching. Ever since the last time I got my heart broken, I have spent time surrounded by great family members and wonderful girlfriends. Life has been good. And during those times when I'm lonely or down, I either call a girlfriend to go get a treat with me or I crawl into bed and have a good emotional cry!
About a month ago, a friend asked if she could set me up. She said she had a super great guy friend that she was thinking would be perfect for me to date. I decided to go for it so I said yes. First thing the next morning this guy was already texting me. Now let me tell you, my friend who set us up told me NOTHING about him. So as we started texting, I found out a lot about that guy. We had some really great conversations through text, so I was really excited to meet him. We had set it up to go out one night after he got off of work. Well he ended up working late and I was leaving town the next day after work. So I knew I'd have to wait quite awhile to meet him. But he seemed to be worth it, since we had such great text conversations.
I have learned that although he may be a great guy, I will never know. We did go out once. But all the other times we're supposed to go out either he stays late at work, switches shifts with someone at work, something else comes up, or I get stood up. Okay seriously, I get the hint! I am not going to sit around waiting for a guy who doesn't care to get to know me. You can only do so much through text. If you don't ever go out, you will never get to know each other. He probably is a nice guy. But he's not a guy that cares to get to know me. Obviously he has different priorities than I do. When someone asks him to trade shifts at work and he says yes even though we're supposed to go out, that tells me that I'm unimportant. When we are supposed to go out on a date and he never calls me or anything he makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I know he was hurt in the past, so he's probably protecting his own heart. But in the process, he's hurting my HEART! I'm clearly an "option" in his life (or a last priority) when I was trying to make him a "priority" in my life. Well unless I want to continue to get hurt, I can no longer make him a priority. He is not worth the priority that I was giving him...I will go back to my busy life...and cut out the room I was making for him in my life.
So as nice as a guy as he might be, he has reminded me how much I hate dating. Once again, I have let a guy mess with my feelings and my heart! But I'm really starting to think that there truly is something wrong with me! Why else would someone be 33 and single? Why do I deserve to experience heart break after heart break? I must have done something in my life to deserve all of this heart break and loneliness! I just don't understand why it has to be this way. I have reached a point in my life where I just can't handle this anymore! I'm sick of being all alone, I'm sick of having my heart broken, I'm sick of the judging eyes when people hear my story. What in the world have I done to deserve this life? I used to be able to handle this. I was happy with my fun little single life. Well that stopped a few years ago when I had my heart seriously broken by a guy I thought I was going to marry. Ever since that guy broke up with me, life has been WAY TOO HARD! I can no longer handle this! My heart is breaking so much right now...over a guy I MET ONCE!!! Ugh...life... :( I just wish this heart break would go on...and I could go back to how I felt a month ago before I'd ever heard anything of him.
Oh...MEN...OH...DATING...OH...HEART BREAK...OH...I DON'T DESERVE THIS...OH...WHERE IS MY HAPPINESS